February 2013, got married
May 2013, my mother passed away
July 2013, my son was born
August 2013, started paternity leave
2.
I wanted to make a game by my hand. At my childhood, I had an 8BIT Apple computer in the living room. I didn’t know why the ‘Basic’ always started when I boot up the computer. ‘Basic’ was my toy. I think at that period I started to have a dream to make a game. Made a game with my friends, majored computer science and joined a game company. My life flew away like that.
About 10 years ago, I thought that making a game would be so exciting when I talked about the ‘Basic’ at my interview. I thought my dream was valuable for my life.
10 years later, I was making a game and I always cracked a jock at the get-together.
“I would have gone to medical school if Apple didn’t exist. It’s always right to listen to our parents.”
3.
My first game developer team was a small group with 6 people. Our motto was simple.
Use the original game resource and make a copycat as fast as possible. (It’s surprising that the game that we tried to copy is generating money very well although it’s been 10 years ago when it was released.)
At that time I had no project experience, but surprisingly my role was to do a main project and programming. It was a role similar to a leading developer in the team. However I had no ability to do this role. Therefore the issue came out from everywhere and the schedule didn’t follow as I wanted. So we had to combine with another team to expand the team. Our team became a huge team with 20 people.
When I think about it again, our team just wanted to break our team up. (And from my experience, using original resource to make the game faster was a stupid idea. Games are made as you make it)
Anyway I had some trouble with the new senior project manager. At that age, I was an asshole. I went to the office in a sweat suit and slipper. Also my attitude was not good. So my colleagues saw me as a shit. And when my senior programmer talked about my dress, I said “What’s the problem with my dress? I just need to work well, that’s all!” in a rude manner.
Now I think I was insane to say like that when I was just a junior employee who had to go to the military if I quit my job.
Anyway with this mind it was hard to work with others. I had a lot of trouble with this senior project manager.
I was the main person of that project, but from the senior’s eye I was just a rookie. To get a head start we always argued and didn’t give up our opinions. At that point, he would have been tired of me. He would have seen me as a rookie with no experience arguing his opinion with no reason. Therefore this argument continued to an emotional clash.
After all, I had to quit from the project design. Now I think it was weird not getting fired. And I focused just on my programming and after my military service I returned back to my university.
4.
At that time I had my own idea about the project design. The project which I thought was this…
A PD’s role with no need to persuade others
In reality, persuading others take 80% making a game. Making MMORPG as an example, the most difficult and boring part is making a plan. Persuading others is one of the stuffs I’m not use to. If I had made the project, would I have been successful? I think no. In that sense, I think I was a lucky guy.
I applied as a project designer but this recruit plan was gone so I became a programmer and this was my first fortune.
The second fortune was entering the developer team that had so many good people.
years was a utopia for me. I think it may be hard to find a team like that again.
We criticized each other not blaming others. Our team policy was to find and discuss a way not to make mistakes again. I didn’t realize at that moment how hard our superior’s protected us. But when all of them disappeared, I was at their position doing the same thing.
5.
From my idea, manager is a very boring position. Especially coding in a very good team is the most exciting thing but when your position is a manager in that team it changes a lot.
Coding and managing is different as a baseball player and a banker. It’s a real shit for us that we need to manage someday after coding.
Anyway there are some people who like managing. But for me this position didn’t fit. It was boring and I wasn’t use to it.
As you have previously read from my words that I split out, you could predict what kind of person who I am. I don’t have a good sociality. From my life, treating others was a major issue for me and it was my weakness.
In fact, most developers are like me. They just like coding and there aren’t many people who like to persuade and soothe others. After working as a manager for a year, I realized why my superiors ran away from this position. They would have felt the same feeling as I have.
I continued making games and thought again.
Is this the stuff which I like?
Or am I just fun coding in this good team?
6.
This would have been about 2011. Talking about useless stuff like medical school at the get-together. At this moment, I wanted to make a mobile game. There were two kinds of reasons.
① With my ability I can make it by myself.
② My work was boring, but this looked interesting
Now again making reasons for ②, it’s simple.
If I make my game by myself then I can do the PD role with no persuading.
This is the fun way of developing that I dreamed. But there are 2 reasons that I didn’t start at that time.
① I was afraid of quitting my job
② The company was paying some of my mother’s hospital fee
At that moment my mother had pancreatic cancer and she was having medical treatment. Repeating the entering and discharging process, the fee was enormous. Most of this fee was given back by the company’s welfare policy. A good welfare policy is the best way to grab the employee. Anyway I couldn’t leave the company giving my mother a pressure. It was hard to think about doing something else. Let’s say if you get an offer from another company that says they will give you a salary twice the medical fee. Then would your mother like it? She won’t like it. At that time, she was already depressed and I didn’t want to give her pressure on my problem.
I wasn’t determined to myself. I was afraid of starting up a new company by myself when I had a stable job. Also there were no people who can work together.
In life there is no word like ‘IF’, but you can just think about it. If my mother wasn’t sick at that moment, would have something change? I don’t think so. If I started at that period, something could have changed with no results.
7.
From the time when I was a kid who thought about making a game, I had another dream. That was marrying with a girl who can draw very well.
I had no talent on art. If I can’t make an egg, then I should know if this is rotten or not. But I didn’t even have that ability. So when making a game, the most difficult part was art. Art is always needed although it is a small game, except text games. Art is so important that it can decide the number of the first experienced users. In some sense, it seems like it’s a bigger part in the game than planning and programming.
And it was my biggest obstacle for making a game. I can do planning and programming by myself but I can’t draw something. So that’s why I think it would have been difficult for me to make a game at that moment.
At least I had to have an eye that can know if this is an egg or an ostrich egg, so that I can give this work to outsourcing. In that sense, getting married with a wife who knows art very well was a great fortune for me.
8.
I met my wife at the blog. And we got to know each other by DIABLO.
My wife is a hard core gamer. When she plays MMORPG, she is the healer on the attack line who plays very well.
She also played DIABLO2 a lot. During this time she got an academic warning and also met her dean with this problem. (But I didn’t get any calls although I got an academic warning 8 times in a roll. What a lucky guy.)
Anyway my wife played DIABLO3 until her lips were cracked; also I played a lot and gave a lot of problems on my team. We got close to each other by playing the game.
The main reason we met was because DIABLO3 was not fun as we thought. When we got bored with the game, we started to meet on offline and fell in love just in two months setting our marriage date. It was a fortune to meet and fall in love with a person who draws very well. I think the most important part in our life, appears out suddenly.
And after a month she got pregnant.
9.
My mother got sicker at this moment. And I saw her getting thinner as time passed. We kept the pregnancy on secret until 16 weeks. But my mother asked me,
“I had a dream yesterday… and a white turtle came to me. I think you will have some good news.
I got so flustered but also I was happy. My wife’s dreams were all a silly dream. So I decided to use my mother’s dream as a precognitive dream about the birth of a child.
My mother wasn’t so happy although she heard about the pregnancy.
And my mother passed away 2 months before my son was born.
10.
I was a weak child at my childhood. When I have a cold, it was hard for me to breath because of asthma. I had a cold for 200 days in 365 days. It was hard for me to study in school and my mother always helped me a lot. About 100 days from those 200 days my mother carried me on her back to make me go to school.
At the wedding my mother was already so weak but she was very happy during my wedding.
And I think it was blessing for her to come to her youngest son’s wedding. But the human’s greed has no end. I wanted her to live more and see her grandson and hug him once.
After my mother passed away, my son was born 2 months later.
11.
You only live once. This was my first time to feel acutely with this word.
At 2013 there were so many events. Got married, my mother passed away, and my son was born. I thought a lot. What I did until now and what I will do. And what I really want to do. What can I do now?
And I decided to do something which I really want to do. When I can make a game by myself then give it a try.
12.
However the time wasn’t good. There is a famous word “When you think it’s late, it’s really late.”
Making a mobile game alone was a really late decision at the mid-2013.
Mid core games were already coming out at the mobile market at that period and the market competition was getting overheated. A person with not enough money trying to make a game looked like to show to others as ‘I wanted to make a game’. It was a similar situation trying to become a LOL pro-gamer at the age 35. But I thought it’s the right time to do it. Why?
Because I wanted to do it now.
It’s a simple reason but that’s the most important thing. If you really want to do it then you will do it someday.
It was same in the past and the only difference was between desire and risk.
Not only the market situation wasn’t good. I had a wife who was going to give birth soon.
13.
Before making a game, many people gave me some advice.
“The mobile market is a red ocean right now. It’s not a good idea?”
“Not a bad idea to give it a try. Just don’t make a big goal before starting it.”
“You will be lazy if you do it alone.”
But one thing I remember is, “You should thanks to your wife. A woman gets a conservative idea when she is close to give birth. She is a 1% Korean wife who accepted this situation.
She didn’t get surprised, didn’t oppose and said to do it if you want to do it. It is hard to find a wife in Korea who can say like this. For that point I am thankful to her and my wife always say to be more thankful to her. Anyway by meeting people, I made a decision. I thought to quit my job and start it for a year and after that launch a game. A friend who was in a similar situation said like this,
“It will be hard for you to do it alone. If you’re going to do it alone I’m here to stop you.”
“I’m going to work with my wife and the baby will be born soon.”
“Then I think you should stop at this moment.”
When I think back the memory of the past year, it was really hard. Taking care of a baby and making a game was really a thing that should not happen in the same period. It was a reckless plan to do with no idea of how hard taking care of a baby.
But there was one advantage I had.
“Then you don’t need to quit, just use a paternity leave.”
“Paternity leave? A man?”
“Why not, a man can also use it. When you are ready to quit, why not? If you fail, then you can come back to the company, that’s safer.”
“That’s right”
If I’m going to work for a year then paternity leave is more useful than to quit my job. After 2 weeks when my son was born, I applied the paternity leave. And I started making a game with taking care of a baby.
(Next Episode coming soon...)
